Connecting With Other Addicts

The first word of the first of the twelve steps, no matter which fellowship you belong to, is “we.” It’s often said that “this is a we program.” Simply following a blog (although I appreciate those who visit here often), reading recovery literature and/or trying to work the steps by yourself just isn’t going to cut it in the long run.

 It’s kind of like being a dry drunk; you may be white-knuckling your way through, staying away from your bottom lines for a while, but you’ll still be stuck with the crazy thinking that will eventually lead you back into your addiction. Members of our parent organization, Alcoholics Anonymous, often say, “This is a thinking disease, not a drinking disease.” I like also love their common phrase, “Stinking thinking leads to drinking.”

You see, stopping our harmful obsessive behaviors are just the beginning. For most of us, those behaviors had crept into many, if not all areas of our lives: how we spent our time and money, how we dressed, how we interacted with the different sexes, how we entertained ourselves, how we related to  God, on and on. It all comes back to how we think, how we perceive the world and ourselves, how we process the things that happen to us. In order to learn those things, we need to be in daily fellowship with others who have walked this path before us and can show us the way. They will encourage us, instruct us, guide us and tell us when we’re veering off track.

The best way to find these people and start learning these new life principles is to go to twelve-step meetings. There are several fellowships for recovery from sex-related obsession. You can find them in my sidebar. Several of them do offer online or phone meetings, which is great, especially for those living in more remote areas, but face-to-face meetings are so much better, especially if you can find some for women only. (I know, for instance,  that SLAA has a group called WANA {We Are Not Alone} which has great daily phone meetings, including those that focus on sexual and social anorexia.)

When you begin to attend meetings, you’ll start to observe others. Find some other women (not men!) who seem  to have what you want. They’re the ones who seem to really walk the talk. Start asking for phone numbers. It’s vitally important to find one woman who has spent a lot of time in the program and who is willing to sponsor you, walking you through the steps. Make phone calls every day to other women in recovery. I know, I know. The phone seems to weigh 500 pounds. Do it anyway. Practice calling so that when you really need help- and that time will come- you have already laid a foundation with others who relate and will be there for you. 

You can do it! The first step is always the hardest, but you will soon be surrounded by others who are walking before and beside you. This is how recovery happens.

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